Since I started this hugely successful venture of writing for no money I have been asked by many to take a break from my coffee obsession and compile a list of the best places at which to break the fast.
I adore having my breakfast served up to me. However, as many know, I am a hard man to please. I am not fussy or anything, it’s just that I make an excellent Full Irish (fry) myself, probably the best in Dublin so of course all restaurants/cafes have a hard act to follow. Here are some cardinal sins one should avoid when attempting to make this gastronomic masterpiece:
- One should never burn sausages! If I ever burn any component of a fry, the whole thing goes into the bin. I jest but only somewhat.
- Moreover, one should never overcook eggs unless specifically asked to do so by the customer, usually a pregnant woman.
- Beans are not an Irish tradition as some so-called republicans think, they are an English custom (oh the irony) and I abhor the notion of serving beans to any of my guests as I think it a terribly common custom as is the practice of adding sauce of every creed and colour. Brown sauce, red sauce, I mean really! If one needs to add such embellishments to a dish then one really doesn’t like a fry as it ought to be eaten – simply, as it is!
- Furthermore, it’s a fry, it’s greasy, it’s messy, it’s unhealthy and if we eat too many of them we will die from a horrific heart attack due to clogged up arteries. So no need to gild the lily. Stop fooling yourselves by grilling the meat, fry it and serve it as a treat. It’s the only way it should be eaten and I’m apparently middle-class!
- By the way, you can’t leave a fry, EVER and update your Facebook account by checking-in at your kitchen or even take a Selfie with you and your fry. You just can’t. A fry is like a day-old-baby that you have to mind. You can’t take your eyes off it. You have to care for it and love it like you do a small child you’re related to. If you follow those vital instructions you’ll be the creator of a very nice fry indeed!
Finally, as I have no intention of ever cooking a fry for anyone other than the boss (that’s what she likes to be called), here are my top three places where one can procure the best fry money can buy as well as fourth bonus option for those living in outer suburbia .
Anderson’s, 3 The Rise, Glasnevin, Dublin 9
Bus routes: no 13 to Griffith Ave or numbers 9&4 to Mobhi Rd/Ballymun Rd
They serve up a fabulous fry here for around €12.00. It comes with tea/coffee and toast too. The finest ingredients have been used here, which is why it’s one of the more expensive places to enjoy this simple Irish dish. It’s always very busy so go early to avoid disappointment. Breakfast is served until 3pm at the weekend, so there’s really no excuse.
2. City centre
The Odessa Bar, 14 Dame Court, Dublin 2
This is the most expensive of all my choices as they cheekily charge extra for tea/coffee. It comes in at about €13 max! What I like about this place is that it’s open on New Year’s Day and for the last two years my girlfriend and I have come here to celebrate our first breakfast of the New Year in style. I still think Anderson’s is slightly better and I really dislike the fact that this place serves up kidney beans. It’s like their posh take on Bachelor beans but it’s still wrong and all you’re left with is a slightly disgusting after-taste so I’d recommend that you get the breakfast without the aforementioned beans. This is a place you go to for the ambience and the privacy. It’s also an establishment where people talk in hushed tones and manners reign supreme. You simply won’t get a table if you don’t have manners.
Roly’s Bistro, 7 Ballsbridge Terrace, Dublin 4
Bus routes: 4/7 and 8
You can get a lovely Dublin 4 breakfast here at around the €11/12 mark. It’s served up to you piping hot by very professional staff. I find that there’s always a great atmosphere here too, although to avoid disappointment go early. There’s a queuing system in operation here and seats are doled out on a first come first served basis.
4.Bonus option: For those living in bustling Swords in North County Dublin
The Forty Four, Main Street, Swords, Co. Dublin
Bus routes: 41/41c & 33
This place is only going to appeal to those people who live in Swords. It’s a dirty fry at its best. It doesn’t try to be pretentious and you get it all for €10 including tea/coffee and toast. There’s also a mini breakfast option available at €7 for those of you who don’t have cast iron stomachs. Best of all, it’s served up to you by very friendly bar staff.